Our friendship was born the moment
you said, ‘What! You too? I thought I was
the only one - who fights shyness,
who despises selfies, who still loves
Clint Eastwood.’ So many years later,
how can you consider this all by yourself!
Why wouldn’t you speak to me before
asking ‘how to commit suicide painlessly?’

A real friend is one who walks in when
the rest of the world walks out. How can
you think of walking out on me?
There’s nothing we haven’t spoken about
with each other. Why the hell are you
trying to figure out how to commit suicide

you don’t need a friend who changes
when you change and nods when you
nod; your shadow can do that much better
than me. I’m going to beg / fight / and yes,
even abuse you if you ever again look up
‘how to commit suicide painlessly?’
So if not mine, please dial one of the
numbers below.

A true friend never gets in your way
unless you happen to be going down.
You better remember that the next time
you wonder how to commit suicide